Backend

I always struggle about what to post and what not to post in regards to my own work. This seems to be a theme in my life, that I either think something is too important or not worth anything at all. Here I am, having worked a lot in recent weeks on Creepslore and not being able to show it off. Partially it’s an issue with mental blocks, the other is more so about technicalities.

So here I am, hard at work, redoing a lot of things about the game. How do I go updating people about? The answer is that I don’t. My mindset is pretty much that of an idiot, because I really hate oversharing anything on the internet, so I end up not sharing anything of substance at all, even when there should be reason for such to happen. You can see some kids post daily about development progress, with literal no substance behind it, marketing their games while I am sitting in front of my monitor getting angry about it.

Why? Because oversharing annoys me. Because they get a lot of attention for a lot of nothing. Because I can’t do the same. It just doesn’t feel right, while it also makes me think that it spoils the end product if I’m being too open about whatever I’ve been doing. I really need to loose this attitude and open up a bit more, but as of this point I still do not think that I have enough material worth to be shared. Honestly I have struggled couple years back when I first announced this game, and started writing a lot of updates, because it felt like I’m really grasping at straws. So amazingly I went into the opposite direction of not actually talking about it anymore, which is even worse. Again, I’m not sure what to even talk about, I’m quite possibly plagued by being too secretive at this point.

The other problem at hand I have is the sheer “under the hood” development that I have been doing. It’s not interesting at all, aside to people who might be using the same engine with the same struggles that I have, let alone I could be making changes important only for me and not for the potential players. Do I even talk about this? Would anyone even care? I’m practically second guessing myself about this on a daily basis and I honestly cannot do anything about it.

Gamedev ain’t easy, but I find myself getting the life sucked out of me because there’s so much work to do all the time. People who have not worked in this field even as a hobby probably do not understand just how hard it is to force yourself to market your own creations WHILE making them. Hell, even when you’re done it feels like a pain in the ass, as you’ve been spending so much time on the same goddamn thing that I gets super annoying, even if you like what you do.

Honestly, I had plans to write up tutorials about how I do things, but that would require a brand new site, for which I do not have the energy to create. Even when you look at this one, it’s blatantly clear that it’s unfinished, hell the “studio” website is also broken and needs a redesign but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It’s no wonder a lot of people would rather just pay for a basic template or hosting and get on with it. Doing all this stuff is really tiring.